How times changed...

Our baby girl was born on January 23rd
Contractions started Saturday (21st) and then went way, then were very regular on Sunday and completely stopped. Monday morning they were very consistent, 8 minutes apart and I called to warn the hospital I was coming and just wanted to get checked out. They put the NST on me and monitored my contractions for an hour and they were easy and now about 4 minutes or so Part but I didn't know for sure because every second contraction was very faint. Everyone thought I was getting sent home. The doc came in at noon and checked how far along I was and I was 5cm and i shocked everyone!! He broke my water and then it was real for us...DH went to the vehicle and got our bags and then the REAL hard contractions came, bad back labour by 3pm...I asked for drugs so they checked me and I was 8-9cm dilated they say it was pretty much too late because I progressed so fast. 3 hours later of the grossest pain ever my body started doing the pushing and they got the doc in there and I pushed for 3 contractions and out came................... a baby girl!!! Lon.dyn Lane 7lbs 9.6oz, 20.5 inches long.
The doctor apologized about them saying no to drugs but in the end I am happy we didn't get them!! But if we are blessed with a next time....epidural it is.
She has been gaining weight like crazy so breast feeding is going well..super chubby cheeks at not quite 6 weeks already.

I always have the thought of infertility at the back of my head...will it just happen for us naturally? Will our final freezer baby take? All the what ifs are still there and it sucks!!
Only time will tell I guess.

20 Week U/S

September 12 we did out 20 week ultra-sound and I sure loved seeing babe again! I was hoping D would have changed his mind about finding out the sex of the baby but he said no and I told him I would respect that... even though I tried figuring it out the whole time on the u/s monitor.
The u/s tech went through and told us everything he was looking at so it was so nice to hear that all was well when he was going through it. He showed us the heart and the 4 valves, told us he looked for a Cleffed (sp) lip, all sorts of stuff I didn't know they could see in such detail already but all was good! Baby cooperated much better than the 12 week u/s (he/she squirmed the whole time), I asked if the u/s tech knew what we were having and sure enough he did (dang I didn't see the goods).

We purchased the CD of all the screen shots and printed off some pictures, one is on the fridge already :)

GROW BABY GROW!!

Another Jean quilt...

Last Sunday we went to the farm for lunch and took grandma out there with us. She brought her serger sewing machine out and was going to show me how to use it so I brought my jean pieces that I cut while I was doing IVF in Calgary bored out of my mind.
Well you should see Grandma giver on that thing!! She just had me keep on handing her peices of fabric and away she went. Two hours later the quilt was put together and looked great!! Thanks Grandma R!
I haven't decided if I want to put backing in this one or not. I made one last winter and I put a thin filler and then a flannel backing... WOW is that thing heavy and warm. So I think I might just use this one as a beach blanket and it will shake off really well. Hmmmmm... decisions.

Playing Catch up...

As of today I am 20 weeks!! WOOHOO half way there!
I started feeling baby around 16-17 weeks and the hubby actually felt it at 18 weeks (this baby sure is a kicker). I only realized at the Doctors office while he was checking the heart beat with the doppler that was what the baby felt like when it moved. He had the heart beat and then baby swam away and you could here that on the doppler, then he found the heart beat again and baby swam away and the whole time I felt this fluttering that I just thought were air bubbles what was the baby the whole time (so no wonder 2nd, 3rd time moms feel there babies kick sooner because they know what to look for!! DUH! lol Then one saturday morning while we were babysitting D's nephews this baby was kicking REALLY hard for how little the little dude or dudette is so I told him to just put his hand on my stomach and sure enough....he felt it twice. I think that made him feel better about how he knows baby is doing good.

On Monday (Sept. 12th) we have our 20 week ultra sound so I am looking forward to seeing what this babe is starting to look like now. I told him and he has known all along that I have wanted to find out what we are having but he was always super against it and then I think I sort of had him thinking 'maybe we would find out' but someone at his work talked him out of it and he definately does NOT want to find out because "it will be the only really surprise in our lifetime", but I thought it would be a surprise at the ultra sound..."Surprise you are having a ...blank". Oh well I said he could decide and that he did. I still think it's a girl as the heart rate has been higher at every appointment although it seems the babe has been moving everytime at the doc or even the 12 week u/s so that isn't the resting heart rate that you can base that on... A SURPRISE IT WILL BE!!

Last week D took me to Edmonton to go shopping last minute because we had no other plans because it rained out and so his family wasn't combining and didn't need his help. We went for supper with some friends, to the Casino for a bit and to bed. Got up much too early the next morning because the mall didn't even open until 10am on a Saturday...booo. Anyhoo we sat around then got at'er... I needed to get some new bras, I checked out some baby clothing but refrained because I already have a closet full of "baby gifts". I was/am also trying to refrain from buying too much 'just incase something happens' but if something is going to happen it can happen at any given time so I don't really want to hold back but the 20 week ultra sound is my date I had in mind. But "My stroller" was on sale... so guess what!? I bought it... no restraint there but it's all good because it was on sale! (laughing at myself!) So I set it up last night and borrowed two neices down the street and man does it roller nice! It's a Baby Jo.gger Cit.y Sel.ect. LOVE!

Last night I went to get into the shower and dropped my bra on the floor and D looks at it and it like "Is your boob leaking already!?", I jumped back and said "Nah maybe it's just sweat!" but I said I would wear another bra today and see if I noticed anything. Sure enough my left boob is leaking already! I had to call my sister and ask if it was a little early for this, she thinks I am going to be a good milker but I guess time will tell. Gotta go and get some breast pads now :( .

Sorry this post was all over but I just wanted to update a few things so preggo brain doesn't get in the way of any of this! :)

Chow for now!

What a weekend!

We had quite the weekend!! Started off that there were zero campsites left at the lake and there is usually at least non-electrical but there wasn't. So we didn't end up taking our camper and bumper with my folks in there camper. We had beautiful weather on Saturday and Sunday (my folks left on Sunday so it was just hubby and I left)!! Monday they were calling for thunderstorms so we went fishing first thing but the clouds came up from no where so we went and took the boat out right away (9:30am), we tarped the boat up, parked the campsite and put the stove under the awning and the thunder was roaring and rain started to trickle. That let up and we were back outside just hanging out and cooking lunch. 2:30pm another thunder storm rolls in, this time a little worse and then they post "tornado warnings". So we packed up all the chairs, put the awning in, we were ready for a good wind....nothing came. It was beautiful out so we went and hauled fire wood, made a fire, cooked supper, sat around the fire for quite awhile, had the awning out again to let it dry. Went to bed around 10pm and it was still really nice out. Sleeping already... the wind picked up at 11pm and I put the awning in. Sleeping again... 11:40 pm we got a loud knock on the door saying there is a tornado coming across the lake. We panicked...I grabbed the camera and hubby grabbed a cell phone and we jumped in the truck and started driving... not sure where or what our plan was...Finally we came to our senses and we went to the cement shower house (no one there), just running 20 feet into the shower house we were completely soaked head to toe as the sky was literally falling!! Called my folks at home and asked them to check the radar online they said there was a nasty system coming through there but it should end soon...we heard voices and figured there was people in the ladies shower house so ran over there. It was a lady and 4 teenagers (they were there for swimming lessons). We were wondering why there was no one else in the shower houses for cover but she said most people left the campsites and went to cabins of friends because they were all locals just camping down there for the swimming lessons. So we hung out there for 1 hour and my folks called and said the severe system had moved through. We went back to the camper and hardly slept a wink from the sheer fear of another tornado brewing... finally when the sun started to shine we fell asleep.
Then it was time to get up and get ready to head to the city for some shopping and my u/s.
I had no desire to eat but thought I should so I had some grapes... we were an hour down the road and nausousness kicked in... gotta started and puke on the side of the road (the joys). Then I was good to go again and enjoyed the scenes of a whole new country scene I had never saw before.
Did some Costco shopping, shopping at the mall a bit, went for our amazing u/s and then shopping again and hit the road home. I was just started to fall asleep and hubby woke me and he was too tired to drive so we switched and then I was WIDE awake thank goodness and drove for most of the way home.
It was so nice to unpack and be home for the sake of being home/safe & sound!!

Finding out!?

So I really think I want to find out what this little bean (it's a lime as of right now) is going to be before it comes out. I have had enough surprises with infertility that I just want the sense of being prepared for a girl or boy and have less of the neutral colors.

Before all of this my husband was completely against finding out but now he doesn't really know what to think... so it has to be both of us finding out or neither.

Right now there is soooo many pregnant people due from November-February and probably more to annouce that I am nervous that my names will get chosen. So if we do find out is it already if we name the unborn baby and let it be known to everyone??? Or is that completely dumb and wrong??? I have never felt I need to be traditional in any of those ways so I am leaning towards it being ok!! Do I care what everyone else thinks?? Well I sort of do but I can justify it!

All opinions are welcome! Don't be afraid to comment!

It's been awhile...

Sorry for the lack of posts!! I have been trying to keep busy and that I have been doing....

We did a 5 day camping trip over the long weekend (July 1st) with D's family and what a gorgeous weekend it was! I finally got some color, ate great food, slept fairly good and didn't get sick once!!! Woohoo. Got home on the Monday after telling my mom how good I was feeling and I jinxed myself and was barfing again!! So I have come to learn that to the few people who know and ask how I am feeling "Don't say good".

Yesterday (July 14th) was a rough day but I dealt with it. My husband got a random text message from an unknown person asking "Is it true that you are expecting?", he replied back with "who is this and where did you hear that from?". Then we figured out it was one of his hockey player friends and his wife heard it from another chick (her- see below).

This is the exact thing that went down on BBM:

Messages:

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Me: Are u telling people don and I are expecting when that might not even be true?

Me: I am not trying to be rude but if we were don't you think we would tell when we were ready and if we aren't that would be pretty sad to hear being how long we have wanted a baby.

Her: I'm not tell people that u are pregnant but u have to realize that people talk and that people do know that u went for IVF so they put two and two together. I truly am sorry that if someone told u that I out right said that u were pregnant that's not the case cause I don't know for sure.

Me: So does everyone think we did ivf because that's what you and zinger thought and just told people? We haven't been open about how far we are willing to try for a baby so for people to KNOW we did ivf wouldn't be correct. It would just be an assumption. I have my guard up right now about all of this so I am sorry for being this way but I just want to get everything straight.

Her: Well we heard u got IVF from someone else. We didn't make that up our selves.

Me: Ok I believe that but it doesn't make it true. I wish ivf was 100% so everyone can have babies, I wish we could be pregnant and announce without people thinking that, I wish no one had to deal with the pain of infertility, I wish you guys weren't dealing with this shit, I wish people didn't lose babies, gossip.....ok I could keep going but the fact is that people gossip hurts. And the fact that don got a random text asking if it was true if we were pregnant because you told there wife hurts. I hope one day we both have the oppurtunity to announce without anyone speculating on how it worked and to just be happy for us. I am done my rant... it might be pregnancy hormones or pms or just bitchy me. Sorry you got the brunt of it but most of what I have been hearing is coming from you guys so I just wanted to address the situation and forget about it. So I wish you guys the best in your journey of trying for number two and in the mean time enjoy the little miracle you have already because any child is a true miracle.

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We have had issues with this couple before talking about us and I completely avoid them at all costs but it's tough during hockey season at the hockey games. She has a child already and the poor little girl gets no attention from her parents. The last thing was they took her to a wedding and showed her off for the first 30 minutes and after that they didn't have a clue where she was. Finally a few hours later someone find her sleeping on two chairs pulled together and lets the parents know (WTF!!?). They are now have problems having a second child... and from someone who has gone through infertility I am seriously not feeling bad for them. I feel like they should charish the child they have now first and then maybe they could conceive. They had an IUI done and she thought for sure the first time was going to work because she was pregnant before!! WTF are you an idiot? Do you not read about any of this?
She thought because we did IVF that putting two and two together that I am automatically pregnant!? GOD ARE YOU DUMB! And then there is people who go and read stacks of books, millions of internet sites about there infertility issues and might even know more than the doctors who still can't get pregnant... SO SAD!!

Ok I am done the rant! And I totally feel better! My hubby normally doesn't like when I spout off like that but he had no problem whatsoever with my Bbm conversation with her, YAY! Then we went for a long bike ride together and I felt 100% again.

Getting Sick...

Well it has officially started.... I am getting the day sickness. I thought for sure I was going to make it to 8 weeks and be in the clear but nope!!

All of the way up until now I have felt uneasy so I just knew I had to keep eating small portions more spread out the day. And that I could deal with.
TMI ahead..... As of last night after eating a very unhealthy meal... I almost didn't make it home and into the bathroom fast enough. Supper went down the toilet and I felt perfectly fine afterwards so I was ok with that! But 1 hr later I felt like absolute poo and just layed on the couch for the rest of the night until I drug my ass to bed.
This morning I dry heaved the whole time I was getting ready... I gagged put my pills up my woo-woo, I almost had something come up while brushing my teeth, my concealer didn't look right so I gagged over that. All morning I have felt like absolute shit but forced myself to eat here and there... right before lunch I took a poop and the smell almost made me turn around and puke... instead I just sat there and gagged, wiped, flushed, washed and was outta there so fast!!! YUCK I hope this doesn't get any worse, I feel sorry for those who have it for there entire pregnacy!

Even though I am complaining I absolutely would take this over no baby any day!!

7 Week u/s

2 days before the ultra-sound I started to spot brown and had some slight discomfort down there so I thought for sure this was the end of it all.

Well Friday was the big day... I was nervous as hell!! I told the doctor before we went in that I was spotting and he was nervous for me too. We didn't talk much and just wanted to get straight to it and figure out if there was a healthy baby in there. He got in there and went straight to the uterus to find that baby... he smiled and pointed to me with his mouse pointer (I had my own screen to look at) and said this is your little been and it's healthy! I was so in shock with so much relief... a 500 pounds man was lifted off my shoulders! I saw the little flicker of the heart beat at 174bpm. He then looked at my ovaries and they are the pain I have been having... full of cysts from the IVF (which is normal especially when at risk for OHSS). So he said I definately had OHSS just on the lower end of the scale though.

I think that's about all I learnt... oh wait... he did say "This should be your last internal u/s ever!!" WOOHOO! I got so used to the damn things that it didn't really dawn on me but now that he said that "What a milestone". What a dumb thing to be excited for but little things excite me!! :)

I went for bloodwork and if all is good I don't need to see anyone until my 12 week nuchal u/s.

Time is Slowly Moving!!

Well I haven't posted in awhile because I haven't had much to say!!
I have still been having problems with bloat and have kept a light jacket on or something baggy over my belly because it totally looks like I have quite the ponch going on.... hoping it will go away and then come back when it actually is baby!
I am on the countdown for my u/s / OBGYN app... 10 days and counting. I think once I see the heart-beat I will feel much better!
As for symptoms... I don't know if I am making them up because I know they are possible or if they really are symptoms. Other than the obvious bloat, I think my boobs are growing and are randomly sore (thank goodness because I have small little boobies and have always wanted some..lol), and watching my work cat sleep on the printer is making me VERY tired so I am not sure if that's normal Wednesday symptom or preggo.

I think after my June 10th app if all goes well I will be switching my blog to more focus Hopeful4 a healthy baby... so if you are a fellow IF follower and feel like you can't follow... I totally don't blame you!!

The Results are in....

So I have kept delaying blogging about this because I know some readers also are having problems conceiving and I feel bad typing this out (so quit here if you can't read anymore).
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Sunday morning was test day and my birthday.... so either it was going to be a good one or a bad one. I was up 2-3 times to pee over night because I am still very bloated from the OHSS symptoms and it makes less room for my bladder (in my mind I look 4 months preggers already). Anyhoo 7:30am rolls around and I have been up for awhile already waiting for DH to wake up and low and behold he was waiting for me to wake up. So I asked if it was ok if I went and 'made pee' and off I went. I walked out of the bathroom and closed the door and hubby would say when it was time to go in and we both looked together (I had to tell him while we were waiting that 2 lines is good and 1 is bad). So we go in look at the stick and low and behold ~~~~TWO VERY NICE LOOKING LINES~~~~. So as of right now I am preggers and my estimated due date is January 27th. I haven't booked a doctor appointment yet because I haven't even decided where to go yet!? GP 15 minutes down the road or my most favorite doctor OBGYN 1.5hrs down the road who knows lots more about me. I think tomorrow I will call the OBGYN and see if he even wants me back and if not that will be my decision.... but do I really want to be driving that far for every appointment? I am going to have to drive that far for any u/s anyhow so I dunno!!!!!?
I do know lots could still happen... tubal, m/c... you name it and anything is possible but I am going to enjoy this as long as it lasts!

The rest of the day was really good!!! My sister and her two daughters and my mom all came down for a birthday visit and we went to the greenhouse to flower shop, then they took my out for a yummy lunch. In the afternoon I lounged around and did nothing. And for supper we went down to the lake for a wiener roast with a bunch of hubbies family! So all in all it was a really great birthday!

If you know me please keep this to yourself until I know I am in the clear (12 weeks or maybe even longer...).

2 More Sleeps..

...until test day! I am feeling hopeful in the sense that I think my OHSS symptoms are coming back and they tend to with a pregnancy. And also the fact that I have been waking up in a pool of sweat!! I have been sobbing wet like you could touch my lower back and feel wetness, and normally I am always cold and have the heated blanket on until July!  I don't know if any of this is meaning anything so who knows...
But in the same sense I am feeling like this won't work because the OHSS systems could just be my period on her way (grrr I hope not).
I do know if this does work I am not in the clear by any means and something could still happen so I should try not to get too excited if we get a BFP (big fat positive) but it would be hard to contain myself because I have never ever ever ever had a positive pregnancy test.

The anxiousness has settled in.....uhhhh good times!

Being Patient...

You would think I would be patient by now, after going through this for almost 2.5 years...but NOPE! It seems like everything with infertility is a wait: a wait to get in to see a doctor, a wait for certain day blood tests, ovulation, temperature rises, more doctor waits, waiting for your period, waiting until you were at least close to pee on a stick....ok I could keep going!!!
I am so very impatient and if this worked I can't wait to be excited and if this didn't work I can't wait to move on and get on the list for our frozen blast transfer or to know if I should start to look into adoption or what....

I have been keeping busy so I thought that would help but NOPE. So while baking buns I thought...maybe I am baking a bun in my oven. Lol Or while at a Dinner Theater I see a baby and thought how lucky they were to have that baby so easily....I know people take getting pregnant so quickly for granted. My sister inlaw has 4 kids and she doesn't even know where the sperm meets egg....it took us long to get pregnant with child #3, oh really how long? 3 months! Grrr....
Positive thoughts...have positive outcomes?! I have always hoped so but have gotten hurt in the end so plan for the worst and hope for the best?! I dunno that one doesnt seem right either...so right now I am going to just be hopeful and if this doesn't work then I will deal with that when the time comes!

As far as I know this is the closest I have been to being pregnant so I am trying to take at least this much in!!!

Chow for now!

Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise

Well yesterday was our transfer day of our beautiful blastocyst! We got to see a picture of it before the transfer, and also got to watch the little bubble go into my uterus.

They were able to freeze another beautiful blast yesterday and the other 8 were still in the running! Sadly they called today and said we had no more to freeze so I was instantly sad. But this is going to work!!! Right?

And maybe for other future babies my body will just know what to do and get pregnant on our own...at least having 1 on ice will take a little pressure off!!!

And the wait begins..
Test day is my birthday May 22nd so let's hope it's the best birthday present a girl could ask for!

Over and out!

Update of embabies and my assessment!

This morning was a long morning! I went in for my 7:45 appointment and got put in the u/s room right away. Stripped down and lied there for a good 15 fifteen minutes before anyone came ( I thought they forgot about me!). Finally a nurse and a new Doc I have never met came in, he did a quick look inside and said there is a small amount of fluid in my ovaries and a pregnancy could/would make it worse. But in the end it was up to us to make the ultimate decision if we do a fresh transfer because it's not severe. So yes obviously we are doing a fresh transfer but whether it be 2 day 3's or 1 day 5 blast was another decision. 2 day 3's would increase the risk of OHSS and if both stick being pregnant with twins is high risk. The doctor and embryologist both gave a recommendation and we said we would stick with the recommendation because they should know best, we chose to transfer 1 day 5 blast...now let's just hope we have lots that make it there and we have some to freeze also!
I felt I was starting to go stir crazy in the hotel room, so I drove home today to have 2 good sleeps in my own bed and then hubby and I will go back on transfer day.

I need a nap after all that's mind spinning and driving

Fertilization Report #2

Today's report 1 of the 10 embryo's is falling behind but isn't out yet. So still have 9 good ones.
Tomorrow I have an assessment first thing in the a.m. To make sure I don't have any fluid building up for OHSS... Fingers crossed I am good to continue onto the transfer.
Right now I am so torn between transferring 1 day 5 blast or 2 day 3's The embryologist said that if we decide to do a day 5 blast that they would leave the best looking 4 embryo's and freeze the rest on day 3. She also said that only 50% make it to a blast and so that would be two left and they would only transfer 1 blast....the only way they would freeze a day 5 is if there were more than one to freeze. That makes me sad to know that if there is only one embryo left that they won't freeze it and that we are pretty much just letting a possible baby die off....:( It makes me sad to think that.
So right now I am leaning towards putting in 2 day 3's and have the 50% chance of having twins. That way all of the rest are getting froze for the future (if this doesn't work or for future babies).
This will be one of the toughest decisions we make in our life because it could be very life changing.

Fertilization Report

Last night hubby and I hardly slept!!! We were very nervous/excited to get the call from the embryologist to let us know how and if they fertilized. She called early like she said she would... Before 8am. Of the 13 mature eggs 10 fertilized and they were quite happy with that and so were we! Tomorrow she will call with the quality and another report on how they are doing and we might know better if we are doing a day 3 or day 5 transfer or if I get symptoms of OHSS too bad we might just have to freeze and do a frozen embryo transfer instead but i really hope not!!!
Today I had to start progesterone suppositories up my woo woo and estrogen pills twice a day...fun times!

Egg Retrieval Day!

Well today was the big day (well one of them anyhow!). The IV that I was so scared about was nothing at all, one try and done. I wasn't eally scared about the ER as I thought that the cyst drainage was a breeze without drugs...but I was wrong. I felt the drugs at first before the doc even got in there but they seemed to taper off quite quickly, I felt really good pinches and ugly pressures that pinched, then one ovary was done and onto th next. I even had a tear rolling down my cheek but he said he was almost done so I was looking forward to that. As soon as it was all over and done with I felt like I could have walked out of there but I had to stay in covert for an hour. The embryologist came over and told us many they retrieved and she said 19 were retrieved and 13 were mature, 3 were immature and the other 3 were inconclusive. Honestly I thought there would have been more from the OHSS risk and from the counts at the u/s's.
Glad that is off the list!!! Just waiting for the fertilization report!

No more needles!

Last night I did my last needles at midnight and it is so nice to think that I don't have to do any drugs today except for the Dostinex before I go to bed tonight taken orally.

Oh wait I forgot that they gave me a single pill of Valium to take tonight to sleep if I wanted...I don't have problems sleeping so I won't take it but I thought I would just keep it for the hell of it! Who knows this might not work and I might need a good nights sleep after that...lol. Good times!

Had to come back and update! So after I hit publish post, the ad on the side was "drug rehab", WAY to funny and had to come back and share!

Trigger Shot Night...

Tonight is the night! I got the call to come back into the clinic to get the trigger shot and info for the egg retrieval!
The plan is... Continue sniffing today and then I am all done that, take the HCG shots in two different spots tonight at midnight, and then take a Dostinex (cabergoline). The Dostinex is to help with the prevention and treatment of OHSS and I take it for 8 days straight. Hopefully this helps and I can get the embryo transfer done next week (providing we have fertilized embryo's), the side effects are dizziness and light-headedness so that's why I take it at night and if I get up in the middle of the night am supposed to get up very slowly so I don't faint.
I am quite excited that tonight is my last night of injections!!!! Woohoo! And even more excited to see my husband who will be coming here tomorrow night!
ER is Saturday and our first fertilization report is Sunday morning sometime... I am most anxious/excited and nervous about that!

Over and Out!